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Archived Story

Downward spiral

Published 9:22am Thursday, July 5, 2012

Man, I feel good about myself.

Just between you and me, I’m not a bad guy. Got a lot going for me, you know. Feel like I’m on top of the world! Sky’s the limit! Done a lot of good stuff, I tell you.

Finished school. A great job. Good marriage with kids. Retirement funds. Yessirree, when I survey the landscape, it looks pretty good.

Got a lot to be proud of. And I have confidence, too. Walk around with my head up high. Even a little cocky sometimes.

Hey, I help people, give to charities. Even go to church. Been known to put a little extra in the offering plate. I treat people nice, watch what I say. Hardly ever get mad.

Pay my bills on time, mostly. I do a lot of things right, I tell you. People see me coming and want to shake my hand! Feels good to be known!

Just between you and me, I feel pretty special. Got nothing to be ashamed of. Well, not too much anyway.

I did say something to my wife the other day I shouldn’t have. But I’m only sharing this with you. I should never have said it. And, just between us, it wasn’t the first time. It was so stupid of me!

Now that I think about it, I’ve done a lot of stupid things. That incident in the sixth grade. And teasing that girl in the ninth. And that accident. Man, I’m an idiot!

Hurts inside my belly when I think about all that stuff. What was I thinking! And I can’t change any of it. Not a cotton pickin’ thing. I hate it! I’m no good. Not really. A fake, I tell you. Not worth anything.

Never done anything really good. A whole life of regrets, piling on top of each other. Why, if people knew what I was really thinking sometime, they’d probably spit on me.

If you want to know the truth, I’m a rotten fellow. A hollow shell of a man, good for nothing. If I were honest with you, I could tell you a whole lot of stuff. Bad stuff. I’m nothing. Worse than nothing. I can’t stand myself. Such a fake. Such a low-down dirty rotten fake who has done terrible things, couldn’t get anything right and said horrible stuff.

I am nothing, nobody, pitiful. I hate myself!

REX ALPHIN of Walters is a farmer, businessman, author, county supervisor and contributing columnist for The Tidewater News. His email address is rexalphin@aol.com.

  • SlimPickens

    My interpretation is based on the title “Downward Spiral”. I expect we all struggle with the same things. Most of us were raised by good hard working morally straight parents, however by today’s standards, and society’s “downward spiral”, things that were once considered notable and commendable acts or achievements, are not so notable or commendable by many in today’s society. Most of us have good jobs, pay our bills, try to raise our kids like we were raised, however nowdays raising our kids like we were raised, society says we are wrong to do so, we are wrong to expect people to be accountable for their actions, we are wrong for believing in God and going to church, if we contribute $$, society thinks we should give to organizations we may not approve of. Gay marrige is acceptable to many, not the majority of people like us from a different generation. I am probably missing the point but that is what I take from Rexs’ column.

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  • RWH

    Bipolar?

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  • simplifyingit

    i am left wondering what the writers intention here was…………..hhhmmmmmm?

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